Your guide to finding a therapist for narcissistic abuse

The most important part of finding someone who understands the unique experience of a narcissistic abuse survivor—and the complexities affiliated with the experience—is how you feel in their presence. You deserve to work with a provider who leads with empathy, validates your emotions, and makes you feel safe to share your experience. 

What to look for in a therapist for narcissistic abuse

When looking for a provider who treats narcissistic abuse, it’s important to look for someone who explicitly mentions trauma-informed care, complex PTSD (C-PTSD), or domestic violence/coercive control in their description. If a therapist is only focused on half of a relationship instead of acknowledging, addressing, and validating the power imbalance of the abuse, then they may not have the specialized training that you need (and deserve).

Consider your resources for therapy

Before diving into your healing journey, get a clear understanding of your boundaries, needs, and expectations. Remember that your healing process is a life-long process, not a quick fix, so you need a therapist who is accessible long-term—financially, physically, and emotionally. Therapy can be expensive, so find out if potential therapists accept insurance or offer sliding-scale appointments. Next, consider whether telehealth, in-person, or a hybrid format appeals to you. Knowing what’ll help you show up consistently will prevent you from feeling overwhelmed by external factors.

Search for therapists with your specialties and insurance coverage

Finding a therapist can be hard, but it doesn't have to be. Using a dedicated resource like Headway helps reduce the stress of the search, which can overwhelm you before you even begin. With Headway, you can filter specifically for providers who accept your insurance, specialize in trauma, or are trained in a specific method like CBT, DBT, or EMDR. 

Carefully evaluate therapists’ bios to evaluate fit and their experience with narcissistic abuse

A therapist’s bio — and any videos they may post on their website or profile — offers a glimpse into how they approach therapy. Consider the language they use: Does it feel warm and empathetic or straightforward and direct? Do they mention working with survivors or narcissistic abuse? Have you considered your cultural background or identity and if you want your therapist to be a part of a certain background? Finding a therapist who you connect with, culturally, emotionally, and systemically is crucial in ensuring you feel seen and respected even before your first session.

Set up an introductory session

It is common for therapists to offer a free 15-minute consultation for new patients. While this is not a full therapy session, it is a great opportunity for you to take control of the conversation and interview the therapist. As you ask the therapist questions, pay attention to how you feel when chatting with them. Do you feel listened to? Do they interrupt you? Does the conversation seem rushed? Or do you feel supported, safe, and calm? Remember that your intuition always has your best interest. If something doesn’t feel right during or after your consultation, trust your gut and set up a consultation with another therapist.

Here are some questions to open dialogue:

• “Do you have experience working with survivors of narcissistic abuse?”
• “What trauma-informed modalities do you use?”
• “Are you trained in EMDR?”
• “What insurances do you accept?”
• “How do you handle situations where a survivor still has to interact with their abuse, specifically as a co-parent?”
• “What brought you to this profession?”